The Silka
Chapter Fifteen
Dinah, Marc behind her, walked into the Red Limit on Pensa and looked around the room, inevitably reminded of her first visit here. Her eyes automatically scanned the room. Paxx's table was empty but she knew he was in port as were the Darroch's. Half of Aaru's crew was already here, Lev and Dia, and Laz and Anja over by the bar, Ingev, Natha and Paul at the other end of it.
And from the looks of it, the Syndicate and the barons weren't short of representation, either. The space port, she thought, had been jammed as well. Ther'lin was keeping Aaru company in orbit so that meant that McGee and Zaf were around somewhere, too.
She headed for the table next to Paxx's, Marc's hand at the small of her back a reassuringly physical weight and connection to him that she savored. She got comfortable while Marc took another survey of the place as he waved the waitress over. She nodded yes when he looked at her as he said, "Scotch."
"Nice to be back," she said. "This place is starting to feel almost homey somehow."
"Who'd have thought a place you seriously don't want to see in daylight could be so compelling. I'm betting the owner is related to Hoolihan," Marc commented, watching Zaf saunter in. Not surprisingly he had a healing black eye. Marc did not want to see what was left of whoever gave it to him.
"Quite likely," she said. "Maybe that's why it feels so homey."
"Well, not to mention there's always hope for trouble here," Marc replied, settling back comfortably and noticing one very foolish fellow eying Anja. The question was who would slug him first, Anja or Laz. Marc wondered who the bookie in the place was. He needed to make his acquaintance.
"You'll lose your taste for it will you?" she said, her eyes drifting over the crowd.
As she watched the door opened again and a tall man with hair that included every shade of gold there was and eyes like dark cocoa came in, followed by two other men and three women. As he caught her eye, she raised an eyebrow and nudged Marc. "Company," she said.
"Oh, who?" he asked without taking his eyes off the bar.
"Look and see," she said, a smile spreading from her mouth to her eyes.
At the door the five clustered around the blond who smiled back at her, his mouth quirking up like his mother's always had. She knew without looking when Marc, who hadn't yet turned to the door, felt him touch his mind.
Marc's head whirled around toward the doorway. "Chris?"
The blond laughed and headed towards the table. "Marc," he said, hooking a chair around. "Nice to see you."
"Gee, you looked different last time I saw you. So, I guess we forgot to get home for awhile?" Marc asked, grasping Chris's arm in an affectionate, if manly, embrace.
"Only for about six months. You've been busy lately." He grinned. "But so have we."
Dinah looked at the others, her eyes lingering on Brenna and Neill and then returning to them. "I gather either Julian or Ian helped."
"Yeah," Christopher said. "The first time. After that we figured out how to handle it ourselves."
"Please tell me you two haven't come here to kill me," Marc commented an eyebrow raised at Brenna and Neill.
"Please tell me we don't have to call you Dad," Neill laughed.
"And we'll call it even," Brenna finished serenely.
"Le Bon Dieu, I'd kill you if you called me Dad."
"That's what they thought," Christopher said, helping himself to the peanuts.
Dinah waited while they ordered, keeping herself busy with her drink. "So, uhm, this a special occasion or did you just fancy a drink at the Red Limit twenty-some years in your past?"
Christopher toyed with the peanuts for a moment. "We wondered," he said finally.
"Wondered?" Dinah prompted.
"We always understood," Brenna said hastily. "We missed you but we didn't blame you, not ever."
"But we wondered what it was, beyond the stories we heard," Neill said, "that kept you out here. Stephen always said it was because it was uncivilized enough for you."
Marc hid a smile behind his drink. "It's your mother."
"Oh of course," Brenna agreed. "And from that it follows that you're at least as uncivilized as she is."
"I'm perfectly civilized," Marc protested. His eyes narrowed. "Stephen should know. He saw me on Home. I fit in there quite well."
"Superior acting," Dinah said.
"So, now that we've had our family reunion, and you've been nice and sweet and pretended you didn't mind getting left behind, what's up?" Marc asked.
"He always so abrupt?" Logan asked.
"He just hates being bullshitted," Christopher said.
"We're bullshitting him?" Adrianna asked.
"He thinks so," Christopher said.
"Tattletale. I can tell Tabitha raised you," Marc grumped.
Christopher snorted. "She sends her regards," he said. Then he smiled slightly. "She told us, finally, about the bowls," he said. "And how much you hated all of that."
"See, tattletale," Marc muttered darkly. "Sorry. I prefer to be the one doing the manipulating. And I especially hate the idea that people are supposed to fit into someone's plan. Makes me rebellious."
"I don't think she ever saw it that way. Making you fit into a plan, I mean. More like she knew there was something she hoped for that you could help with. Like needing an engineer or a lawyer," Christopher said. "But I don't know. She hates talking about it. She only said what she said because for the first time a few weeks ago I was handling one of the bowls and the others were all there." He looked up, his face sheepish, but amused. "Took the roof off. She was seriously annoyed."
Marc broke up. "Atta boy, kiddos."
"Yeah we thought you'd enjoy that, after she told us about it all. Then she had a long talk with Stephen. Neither one of them would say what it was about, except that they didn't fix the roof. Stephen and Doni went back to their house, the one he built for her right before Lily and Logan were born. And Tabitha and Eli..." Christopher shrugged. "Anyway, they said we were adults and should maybe think about not living at home anymore."
"Which was hilarious," Adrianna said, "when you consider that home was roofless, though we could have fixed it if we'd wanted to."
"Then she and Eli, the next morning they were gone, disappeared," Christopher said. "When I asked Stephen what the hell was going on he said they had lives of their own and it was past time we figured out what our lives were about."
"Only he refused to say anything after that," Adrianna added.
"Well," Marc replied, sitting back more comfortably with his scotch. "The only reason we all lived there was because Christopher was such a little shit. Since he's now a big shit, why stay? Y'all can have the aerie if you want it, too. I guess we're not moving back permanently any time soon and if we do we'll throw you out."
Dinah looked from face to face and then grinned. "I don't think that was the point there, lover lips."
"They are NOT moving in with us. Period."
"I don't think that was the point either," Dinah said, while their six guests broke up.
"Go forth. Multiply. Whatever. What DO you want?'
"We want to know what it is that Tabitha wanted you to do that you don't want to do," Christopher said.
"I don't remember. It was all a long time ago."
"Less than a year and a half in your terms," Christopher said. "It's only a long time ago to us."
"Says you," Marc muttered.
"Says me," Christopher agreed. "I know you well enough to know it's not that you don't remember. You hated it then and you hate it now. You feel like she's still manipulating you and you'll do what ever it takes to make sure no one does that. Only she's not here and all I'm doing is asking a question."
"Look, it wasn't just me she wanted to manipulate, it was you guys too. All six of you. You should have seen her when Dinah turned up pregnant. I thought she was having an orgasm right there in the infirmary. It's all about you six. So, take my advice and drop it.
"If it's a real prophecy it'll come about anyway. If it's a way to force you to do something you don't want to do, then you're spared the whole living your life for others thing."
""And I don't think she's trying to manipulate anyone," Christopher said. But even if she is, knowing isn't the same as committing. I will be just as able to walk away after you tell me as I was before."
"Not manipulate! Chris, she did the worst sort of manipulating of me. Trust me on this. But fine. Go talk to Melly, she can, I'm sure, quote you chapter and verse. Just tell her it's the bowls and the bit about the key."
Chris tilted his head. "I'll ask her. But right now I'm asking you. Though perhaps the other question I should be asking, however, is have you ever set aside all the resentment and asked whether what she wanted was worth doing?"
"No," Marc lied.
"Yeah," Christopher said. He stood, dropping money on the table and kissed Dinah's cheek. "We'll be going now," he told them. Then to Marc he said, "Not long ago, in your time, we looked out over the universe together, you in the CE Rig and me in a crib at the commune and both of us wanted...what we saw, what was out there. And you made me a promise. Maybe next trip, I guess."
"What promise is that?" Marc asked, startled.
"I didn't want to undo the array and you showed me a vista beyond all of the known and gave me a promise to explore it. The vista was your mind, but it wasn't what you meant."
"Chris, sit back down. Please."
"To what end?" he asked. "I don't want to manipulate you and if I sit down now that's what I've ended up doing."
Marc quoted, "'The bowls were made at the dawn of time for the children of the future, the six who would emerge, holding the seeds of new life in their hands to be scattered like music so that the stars would live and rejoice.' I'm pretty sure of the quote but Melly can confirm it." He paused and looked at Chris. "I ended up murdering my own family. In the first lifetime, and in the second, by changing the world's future, or so Tabby claims. We'll know, in about 50 years, whether I changed anything.
"So seriously, Chris, you kids need to do it on your own. You've got everything you need."
He sat, shaking his head. "What is it you think you're going to precipitate?"
"I don't know. That's what worries me," Marc admitted.
"What does she want you to do?" he asked finally.
"I'm supposed to do something with you. To unlock life, I think it was. We've done that. With the dragons. I'm done. It's you now."
Christopher looked at him and then at Dinah, a question in his eyes. When her expression didn't change he nodded. "I'm sorry."
"Smart ass little brat. Go."
"I didn't mean it like that," Christopher said as he stood. "I was apologizing for coming here. We shouldn't have."
Marc sighed and rearranged himself on his seat. He let his gaze pass over each of the six now grown children. "I love every one of you. It's why I didn't want anything to do with this prophecy. Don't get sucked into spending your lives on some grand design and missing the real thing. You're terrific kids. Go do what you want to do, not what you think someone expects you to do. If you seriously decide to do whatever the hell this is, because it's what you want not because some bowls claim you're lives are unimportant and prescribed for their own vision, well, I'll help however I can."
"Jeez, you really don't get it do you? This isn't about following a grand design. I'm not Don Quixote. This is about knowing there's a part of my mind I can't reach, that's walled off somehow."
"And I'm supposed to help with that how?" Marc asked.
"I don't know," Christopher said. "That's why I'm here asking."
Marc, exasperated, replied, "Then why'd you ask about the stupid prophecy?"
"Because it amounts to the same thing," Christopher said.
"Why do you think that?" Marc asked.
"Because of everything everyone isn't saying and because Dinah's sitting there silent as a tomb."
"Yes, why are you sitting there silent as a tomb?" Marc asked her.
"Because this is between you and him," she said. "My only job here is to love both of you and keep my mouth the hell closed. You'll notice none of the others are saying anything either."
"Look, Chris. I didn't wall off your brain," Marc hissed. "So what makes you think I can unwall it?"
"Because I've been inside of yours," he said.
Marc frowned. "Yours is way beyond mine, so I don't see why you can't figure it out. What can I do that you can't?"
"A lot of things, I'd bet," Christopher said grinning.
"Name one," Marc challenged.
"I don't have your gift for coercion, for one thing."
"And you need that, why?" Marc asked.
"I didn't say that's what I needed. I'm just naming something in your head that's not in mine."
"Right. So let's start over. What do you want me to do?"
"Take a look and tell me what you see," Christopher said. "It's not like you haven't been in there a hundred times before."
"Yeah, exactly. And you have reason to think things have changed?"
"Yes. I handled those bowls all the time and the roof never came off the commune. Then, the last time I touched one of them I ended up in a matrix with them unlike anything I'd ever seen or created with or without you. And as soon as it was connected the roof came off," Christopher said.
"Immediately after that they dissolved the commune, Tabitha and Stephen have a four hour conversation behind locked doors and then she and Eli disappear, a result Stephen refuses to discuss."
Marc sighed. "I can't make either Stephen or Tabitha tell you anything. But if you like, I'll look at your mind." He sighed. "You just wanna meet Aaru."
"I've already met her," Christopher said. "But you've never met Ther'lin's daughter, Kella."
"Show off."
Christopher laughed. "There's going to be a fight at the bar in a minute. Are we staying for it?" he asked, gesturing to where Anja and Laz were still sitting.
"Oh yeah. Wouldn't miss it for the world."
Dinah laughed. "Uncivilized," she said, just as the man put a hand on Anja's thigh and Laz put a fist in his mouth. "And they're off."
It was several satisfying hours later when everyone reconvened aboard Aaru. Even Zaf had come along, interested in the newcomers, one would surmise, or possibly Anja's thigh.
Dinah poured scotch in the common room, while she watched them sort themselves out. "We should have charged admission," she said as she handed Marc his.
He snorted then did introductions. "For those of you not within earshot in the bar, these are our kids. All of 'em really. It seems they did a scarper with Julian and Ian's help and jumped back in time to talk to us."
"Nice work," Melly said. "Are they dead then?"
"Don't look it," Ingev said, appreciatively eying Brenna.
Natha smacked his arm. "That's the boss's daughter. I'd be careful if I were you," she said laughing.
"Staying long?" Anja asked smiling at them. "It's seldom boring around here."
"No doubt," Christopher said. "But really we're just passing through."
"Why did you come back in time," Colin asked, from where he slumped in a chair in a corner.
"Because I missed my childhood," Christopher said.
Marc slugged back his drink, glanced over at Dinah and got up and left.
She sighed and followed him to their quarters, leaning back against the door after she closed it. "I'll leave if you'd rather," she said.
"I'm fine," he replied through gritted teeth. "Go talk to them and see what the hell they want."
"We already know that."
"No, we don't. Why did they come back in time. Not just for me to look at Chris's mind. I could have done that during any trip home."
"Sounds like for them home is gone," she said. "Just look at his mind and they'll go."
"Go where. And when? And why?"
"If it matters so much just talk to him. Talk to him alone. He's still the kid that followed you everywhere you went. And the kid who's ability to link minds still gives you pause." She stood up straight, walking over to him. "Jesus Marc, he's still the kid who adores you and that terrifies you because you don't want to do to him what you did to your own son."
She took a last step towards him. "But he's not Hagen and there's no way you could do to Chris what you did to Hagen because you'll never be able to coerce him like you could Hagen. And even if you could I wouldn't let you."
"Putain de merde," he muttered, dropping his head and running a hand through his hair. "You'd be better off worrying about what I'm going to do to Tabitha when I get my mind on her."
"Has it ever occurred to you," she said, controlling her temper, "that maybe, just fucking maybe, Tabitha's as manipulated as you feel. Only in her case it's something in her mind and no matter where she goes or what she does, she'll never be free of it?"
"And that makes me feel better about those kids how, exactly?" he shot back. "I've seen what happens when adults raise kids to be the answer to the world's problems. Children of the future, fucking hell. Mental Man in a slightly different package. I want them free of all of it. Free to do what the hell they want, when they want, with no guilt or pressure that they're someone's version of Superman."
"But don't you see you're doing the same thing to them? You're deciding for them instead of giving them the facts and letting them decide. You've made a judgment about what it is and what it will mean for them," she said, not backing off. "You've seen how Tabitha is raising them. You know Stephen. You also know that that's not how they're being raised. You know we're back there often enough to make sure it never happens.
"And," she said, her eyes narrowing, "if that's what you think she's going to do why the hell have you left our kids there?"
"She promised me..." he replied. "Would you please go and talk to Chris. See if he'll meet me on the observation deck. I'll look at his mind."
She let out the breath she'd been holding. "Will you ever heal?" she asked softly.
"Hagen never will, so why should I."
"O sweet Jesus," she said and fled the room.
She paused outside the common room, dashing the tears from her cheeks. Then, having herself in hand, she went and drew Christopher outside. "He's waiting for you on the observation deck. And if you hurt him I swear I'll kill you myself."
"Dinah," he said, reaching out a hand towards her.
"What? You're sorry? You didn't mean it? Do you think that matters?" she raged.
Christopher closed his hand on air and let it fall. "I love him almost as much as you do. I'll go if that's what you want. Go and never bring it up again."
"It's too late for that, just like not meaning it stopped mattering when you were about sixteen." she said, her jaw clenched. "The only thing you can do now is make sure he never lives to regret it, because I'll make sure you live to regret it if that happens."
"You wouldn't have to," he said.
"I'd want to," she spat and walked away.
------------------
Christopher followed Aaru's directions to the observation deck and stopped when he saw Marc, his back to him, looking out at Pensa. "Dinah said to meet you here."
Marc turned, at Christopher's words. He smiled. "You've grown into a fine man. Rather heart-breakingly like your mother."
"I didn't know you knew her," Christopher said. "I don't remember her at all."
"I just saw her ranting on Home several times. Never knew her well. I was the establishment at the time. She didn't trust me."
"Would you rather I didn't?"
Marc smiled. "No. I think we know one another too well to fall for the whole idea that people can hide if you know their minds. And you're right. You know my mind. Most of it, anyway. So what do you need, Chris, and why is it so important you had to travel back in time to get it? I could have looked at it on any trip home, and generally did."
Christopher met his eyes. "Because I wanted to know you now, the way you are now, as an adult because of how you were when I was a child."
The corner of Marc's mouth curled up in the hint of a smile. "I confess to wondering quite often what sort of hellion you'd be when you grew up. I can stop wondering now, right?"
"I doubt it," Christopher said, "I hope to discover any number of new forms of hellionism in the years to come."
Marc gave a bark of laughter. "Well, you're well on your way. Blowing up the house qualifies you for at least the first ring of demonhood." As he said it, Marc's mind reached out in the oh so familiar way they had of touching, far more intimate than any hug or handshake could ever feel.
Christopher let him in, just as he always had, his own mind touching Marc's in return, finding the familiar connections. "Is same," he said, his voice low. "Share."
And from the looks of it, the Syndicate and the barons weren't short of representation, either. The space port, she thought, had been jammed as well. Ther'lin was keeping Aaru company in orbit so that meant that McGee and Zaf were around somewhere, too.
She headed for the table next to Paxx's, Marc's hand at the small of her back a reassuringly physical weight and connection to him that she savored. She got comfortable while Marc took another survey of the place as he waved the waitress over. She nodded yes when he looked at her as he said, "Scotch."
"Nice to be back," she said. "This place is starting to feel almost homey somehow."
"Who'd have thought a place you seriously don't want to see in daylight could be so compelling. I'm betting the owner is related to Hoolihan," Marc commented, watching Zaf saunter in. Not surprisingly he had a healing black eye. Marc did not want to see what was left of whoever gave it to him.
"Quite likely," she said. "Maybe that's why it feels so homey."
"Well, not to mention there's always hope for trouble here," Marc replied, settling back comfortably and noticing one very foolish fellow eying Anja. The question was who would slug him first, Anja or Laz. Marc wondered who the bookie in the place was. He needed to make his acquaintance.
"You'll lose your taste for it will you?" she said, her eyes drifting over the crowd.
As she watched the door opened again and a tall man with hair that included every shade of gold there was and eyes like dark cocoa came in, followed by two other men and three women. As he caught her eye, she raised an eyebrow and nudged Marc. "Company," she said.
"Oh, who?" he asked without taking his eyes off the bar.
"Look and see," she said, a smile spreading from her mouth to her eyes.
At the door the five clustered around the blond who smiled back at her, his mouth quirking up like his mother's always had. She knew without looking when Marc, who hadn't yet turned to the door, felt him touch his mind.
Marc's head whirled around toward the doorway. "Chris?"
The blond laughed and headed towards the table. "Marc," he said, hooking a chair around. "Nice to see you."
"Gee, you looked different last time I saw you. So, I guess we forgot to get home for awhile?" Marc asked, grasping Chris's arm in an affectionate, if manly, embrace.
"Only for about six months. You've been busy lately." He grinned. "But so have we."
Dinah looked at the others, her eyes lingering on Brenna and Neill and then returning to them. "I gather either Julian or Ian helped."
"Yeah," Christopher said. "The first time. After that we figured out how to handle it ourselves."
"Please tell me you two haven't come here to kill me," Marc commented an eyebrow raised at Brenna and Neill.
"Please tell me we don't have to call you Dad," Neill laughed.
"And we'll call it even," Brenna finished serenely.
"Le Bon Dieu, I'd kill you if you called me Dad."
"That's what they thought," Christopher said, helping himself to the peanuts.
Dinah waited while they ordered, keeping herself busy with her drink. "So, uhm, this a special occasion or did you just fancy a drink at the Red Limit twenty-some years in your past?"
Christopher toyed with the peanuts for a moment. "We wondered," he said finally.
"Wondered?" Dinah prompted.
"We always understood," Brenna said hastily. "We missed you but we didn't blame you, not ever."
"But we wondered what it was, beyond the stories we heard," Neill said, "that kept you out here. Stephen always said it was because it was uncivilized enough for you."
Marc hid a smile behind his drink. "It's your mother."
"Oh of course," Brenna agreed. "And from that it follows that you're at least as uncivilized as she is."
"I'm perfectly civilized," Marc protested. His eyes narrowed. "Stephen should know. He saw me on Home. I fit in there quite well."
"Superior acting," Dinah said.
"So, now that we've had our family reunion, and you've been nice and sweet and pretended you didn't mind getting left behind, what's up?" Marc asked.
"He always so abrupt?" Logan asked.
"He just hates being bullshitted," Christopher said.
"We're bullshitting him?" Adrianna asked.
"He thinks so," Christopher said.
"Tattletale. I can tell Tabitha raised you," Marc grumped.
Christopher snorted. "She sends her regards," he said. Then he smiled slightly. "She told us, finally, about the bowls," he said. "And how much you hated all of that."
"See, tattletale," Marc muttered darkly. "Sorry. I prefer to be the one doing the manipulating. And I especially hate the idea that people are supposed to fit into someone's plan. Makes me rebellious."
"I don't think she ever saw it that way. Making you fit into a plan, I mean. More like she knew there was something she hoped for that you could help with. Like needing an engineer or a lawyer," Christopher said. "But I don't know. She hates talking about it. She only said what she said because for the first time a few weeks ago I was handling one of the bowls and the others were all there." He looked up, his face sheepish, but amused. "Took the roof off. She was seriously annoyed."
Marc broke up. "Atta boy, kiddos."
"Yeah we thought you'd enjoy that, after she told us about it all. Then she had a long talk with Stephen. Neither one of them would say what it was about, except that they didn't fix the roof. Stephen and Doni went back to their house, the one he built for her right before Lily and Logan were born. And Tabitha and Eli..." Christopher shrugged. "Anyway, they said we were adults and should maybe think about not living at home anymore."
"Which was hilarious," Adrianna said, "when you consider that home was roofless, though we could have fixed it if we'd wanted to."
"Then she and Eli, the next morning they were gone, disappeared," Christopher said. "When I asked Stephen what the hell was going on he said they had lives of their own and it was past time we figured out what our lives were about."
"Only he refused to say anything after that," Adrianna added.
"Well," Marc replied, sitting back more comfortably with his scotch. "The only reason we all lived there was because Christopher was such a little shit. Since he's now a big shit, why stay? Y'all can have the aerie if you want it, too. I guess we're not moving back permanently any time soon and if we do we'll throw you out."
Dinah looked from face to face and then grinned. "I don't think that was the point there, lover lips."
"They are NOT moving in with us. Period."
"I don't think that was the point either," Dinah said, while their six guests broke up.
"Go forth. Multiply. Whatever. What DO you want?'
"We want to know what it is that Tabitha wanted you to do that you don't want to do," Christopher said.
"I don't remember. It was all a long time ago."
"Less than a year and a half in your terms," Christopher said. "It's only a long time ago to us."
"Says you," Marc muttered.
"Says me," Christopher agreed. "I know you well enough to know it's not that you don't remember. You hated it then and you hate it now. You feel like she's still manipulating you and you'll do what ever it takes to make sure no one does that. Only she's not here and all I'm doing is asking a question."
"Look, it wasn't just me she wanted to manipulate, it was you guys too. All six of you. You should have seen her when Dinah turned up pregnant. I thought she was having an orgasm right there in the infirmary. It's all about you six. So, take my advice and drop it.
"If it's a real prophecy it'll come about anyway. If it's a way to force you to do something you don't want to do, then you're spared the whole living your life for others thing."
""And I don't think she's trying to manipulate anyone," Christopher said. But even if she is, knowing isn't the same as committing. I will be just as able to walk away after you tell me as I was before."
"Not manipulate! Chris, she did the worst sort of manipulating of me. Trust me on this. But fine. Go talk to Melly, she can, I'm sure, quote you chapter and verse. Just tell her it's the bowls and the bit about the key."
Chris tilted his head. "I'll ask her. But right now I'm asking you. Though perhaps the other question I should be asking, however, is have you ever set aside all the resentment and asked whether what she wanted was worth doing?"
"No," Marc lied.
"Yeah," Christopher said. He stood, dropping money on the table and kissed Dinah's cheek. "We'll be going now," he told them. Then to Marc he said, "Not long ago, in your time, we looked out over the universe together, you in the CE Rig and me in a crib at the commune and both of us wanted...what we saw, what was out there. And you made me a promise. Maybe next trip, I guess."
"What promise is that?" Marc asked, startled.
"I didn't want to undo the array and you showed me a vista beyond all of the known and gave me a promise to explore it. The vista was your mind, but it wasn't what you meant."
"Chris, sit back down. Please."
"To what end?" he asked. "I don't want to manipulate you and if I sit down now that's what I've ended up doing."
Marc quoted, "'The bowls were made at the dawn of time for the children of the future, the six who would emerge, holding the seeds of new life in their hands to be scattered like music so that the stars would live and rejoice.' I'm pretty sure of the quote but Melly can confirm it." He paused and looked at Chris. "I ended up murdering my own family. In the first lifetime, and in the second, by changing the world's future, or so Tabby claims. We'll know, in about 50 years, whether I changed anything.
"So seriously, Chris, you kids need to do it on your own. You've got everything you need."
He sat, shaking his head. "What is it you think you're going to precipitate?"
"I don't know. That's what worries me," Marc admitted.
"What does she want you to do?" he asked finally.
"I'm supposed to do something with you. To unlock life, I think it was. We've done that. With the dragons. I'm done. It's you now."
Christopher looked at him and then at Dinah, a question in his eyes. When her expression didn't change he nodded. "I'm sorry."
"Smart ass little brat. Go."
"I didn't mean it like that," Christopher said as he stood. "I was apologizing for coming here. We shouldn't have."
Marc sighed and rearranged himself on his seat. He let his gaze pass over each of the six now grown children. "I love every one of you. It's why I didn't want anything to do with this prophecy. Don't get sucked into spending your lives on some grand design and missing the real thing. You're terrific kids. Go do what you want to do, not what you think someone expects you to do. If you seriously decide to do whatever the hell this is, because it's what you want not because some bowls claim you're lives are unimportant and prescribed for their own vision, well, I'll help however I can."
"Jeez, you really don't get it do you? This isn't about following a grand design. I'm not Don Quixote. This is about knowing there's a part of my mind I can't reach, that's walled off somehow."
"And I'm supposed to help with that how?" Marc asked.
"I don't know," Christopher said. "That's why I'm here asking."
Marc, exasperated, replied, "Then why'd you ask about the stupid prophecy?"
"Because it amounts to the same thing," Christopher said.
"Why do you think that?" Marc asked.
"Because of everything everyone isn't saying and because Dinah's sitting there silent as a tomb."
"Yes, why are you sitting there silent as a tomb?" Marc asked her.
"Because this is between you and him," she said. "My only job here is to love both of you and keep my mouth the hell closed. You'll notice none of the others are saying anything either."
"Look, Chris. I didn't wall off your brain," Marc hissed. "So what makes you think I can unwall it?"
"Because I've been inside of yours," he said.
Marc frowned. "Yours is way beyond mine, so I don't see why you can't figure it out. What can I do that you can't?"
"A lot of things, I'd bet," Christopher said grinning.
"Name one," Marc challenged.
"I don't have your gift for coercion, for one thing."
"And you need that, why?" Marc asked.
"I didn't say that's what I needed. I'm just naming something in your head that's not in mine."
"Right. So let's start over. What do you want me to do?"
"Take a look and tell me what you see," Christopher said. "It's not like you haven't been in there a hundred times before."
"Yeah, exactly. And you have reason to think things have changed?"
"Yes. I handled those bowls all the time and the roof never came off the commune. Then, the last time I touched one of them I ended up in a matrix with them unlike anything I'd ever seen or created with or without you. And as soon as it was connected the roof came off," Christopher said.
"Immediately after that they dissolved the commune, Tabitha and Stephen have a four hour conversation behind locked doors and then she and Eli disappear, a result Stephen refuses to discuss."
Marc sighed. "I can't make either Stephen or Tabitha tell you anything. But if you like, I'll look at your mind." He sighed. "You just wanna meet Aaru."
"I've already met her," Christopher said. "But you've never met Ther'lin's daughter, Kella."
"Show off."
Christopher laughed. "There's going to be a fight at the bar in a minute. Are we staying for it?" he asked, gesturing to where Anja and Laz were still sitting.
"Oh yeah. Wouldn't miss it for the world."
Dinah laughed. "Uncivilized," she said, just as the man put a hand on Anja's thigh and Laz put a fist in his mouth. "And they're off."
It was several satisfying hours later when everyone reconvened aboard Aaru. Even Zaf had come along, interested in the newcomers, one would surmise, or possibly Anja's thigh.
Dinah poured scotch in the common room, while she watched them sort themselves out. "We should have charged admission," she said as she handed Marc his.
He snorted then did introductions. "For those of you not within earshot in the bar, these are our kids. All of 'em really. It seems they did a scarper with Julian and Ian's help and jumped back in time to talk to us."
"Nice work," Melly said. "Are they dead then?"
"Don't look it," Ingev said, appreciatively eying Brenna.
Natha smacked his arm. "That's the boss's daughter. I'd be careful if I were you," she said laughing.
"Staying long?" Anja asked smiling at them. "It's seldom boring around here."
"No doubt," Christopher said. "But really we're just passing through."
"Why did you come back in time," Colin asked, from where he slumped in a chair in a corner.
"Because I missed my childhood," Christopher said.
Marc slugged back his drink, glanced over at Dinah and got up and left.
She sighed and followed him to their quarters, leaning back against the door after she closed it. "I'll leave if you'd rather," she said.
"I'm fine," he replied through gritted teeth. "Go talk to them and see what the hell they want."
"We already know that."
"No, we don't. Why did they come back in time. Not just for me to look at Chris's mind. I could have done that during any trip home."
"Sounds like for them home is gone," she said. "Just look at his mind and they'll go."
"Go where. And when? And why?"
"If it matters so much just talk to him. Talk to him alone. He's still the kid that followed you everywhere you went. And the kid who's ability to link minds still gives you pause." She stood up straight, walking over to him. "Jesus Marc, he's still the kid who adores you and that terrifies you because you don't want to do to him what you did to your own son."
She took a last step towards him. "But he's not Hagen and there's no way you could do to Chris what you did to Hagen because you'll never be able to coerce him like you could Hagen. And even if you could I wouldn't let you."
"Putain de merde," he muttered, dropping his head and running a hand through his hair. "You'd be better off worrying about what I'm going to do to Tabitha when I get my mind on her."
"Has it ever occurred to you," she said, controlling her temper, "that maybe, just fucking maybe, Tabitha's as manipulated as you feel. Only in her case it's something in her mind and no matter where she goes or what she does, she'll never be free of it?"
"And that makes me feel better about those kids how, exactly?" he shot back. "I've seen what happens when adults raise kids to be the answer to the world's problems. Children of the future, fucking hell. Mental Man in a slightly different package. I want them free of all of it. Free to do what the hell they want, when they want, with no guilt or pressure that they're someone's version of Superman."
"But don't you see you're doing the same thing to them? You're deciding for them instead of giving them the facts and letting them decide. You've made a judgment about what it is and what it will mean for them," she said, not backing off. "You've seen how Tabitha is raising them. You know Stephen. You also know that that's not how they're being raised. You know we're back there often enough to make sure it never happens.
"And," she said, her eyes narrowing, "if that's what you think she's going to do why the hell have you left our kids there?"
"She promised me..." he replied. "Would you please go and talk to Chris. See if he'll meet me on the observation deck. I'll look at his mind."
She let out the breath she'd been holding. "Will you ever heal?" she asked softly.
"Hagen never will, so why should I."
"O sweet Jesus," she said and fled the room.
She paused outside the common room, dashing the tears from her cheeks. Then, having herself in hand, she went and drew Christopher outside. "He's waiting for you on the observation deck. And if you hurt him I swear I'll kill you myself."
"Dinah," he said, reaching out a hand towards her.
"What? You're sorry? You didn't mean it? Do you think that matters?" she raged.
Christopher closed his hand on air and let it fall. "I love him almost as much as you do. I'll go if that's what you want. Go and never bring it up again."
"It's too late for that, just like not meaning it stopped mattering when you were about sixteen." she said, her jaw clenched. "The only thing you can do now is make sure he never lives to regret it, because I'll make sure you live to regret it if that happens."
"You wouldn't have to," he said.
"I'd want to," she spat and walked away.
------------------
Christopher followed Aaru's directions to the observation deck and stopped when he saw Marc, his back to him, looking out at Pensa. "Dinah said to meet you here."
Marc turned, at Christopher's words. He smiled. "You've grown into a fine man. Rather heart-breakingly like your mother."
"I didn't know you knew her," Christopher said. "I don't remember her at all."
"I just saw her ranting on Home several times. Never knew her well. I was the establishment at the time. She didn't trust me."
"Would you rather I didn't?"
Marc smiled. "No. I think we know one another too well to fall for the whole idea that people can hide if you know their minds. And you're right. You know my mind. Most of it, anyway. So what do you need, Chris, and why is it so important you had to travel back in time to get it? I could have looked at it on any trip home, and generally did."
Christopher met his eyes. "Because I wanted to know you now, the way you are now, as an adult because of how you were when I was a child."
The corner of Marc's mouth curled up in the hint of a smile. "I confess to wondering quite often what sort of hellion you'd be when you grew up. I can stop wondering now, right?"
"I doubt it," Christopher said, "I hope to discover any number of new forms of hellionism in the years to come."
Marc gave a bark of laughter. "Well, you're well on your way. Blowing up the house qualifies you for at least the first ring of demonhood." As he said it, Marc's mind reached out in the oh so familiar way they had of touching, far more intimate than any hug or handshake could ever feel.
Christopher let him in, just as he always had, his own mind touching Marc's in return, finding the familiar connections. "Is same," he said, his voice low. "Share."
